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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
Matt preached on Sunday, and his sermon tied in so nicely to my thoughts from Saturday, it really helped me do more processing and kind of settle my spirit in terms of home and belonging and all that jazz. His main focus was 1 John 3:1 - See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
I love this verse (and translation, thanks NIV) for that word lavished. It reminds me that belonging to God instead of the world is not something to test my mettle or something to toughen me up or a way to earn Heaven; it is an amazing gift. As believers in Jesus, we are not foreigners because the world rejects us - what makes us different is that we've been adopted, miraculously accepted, into God's family, and that brings a change that sets us apart.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
I have been slowly making my way through Psalm 119, reading it just a stanza per day. I think taking it so slow is allowing me to savour passages I'd normally skim over, and it is gradually rekindling my appetite to read Scripture (because that has faded the last little while).
Last night the passage I read included verse 19: I am only a foreigner in the land. Don't hide your commands from me!
One of the themes in Scripture and Christianity that always resonates with me is the concept that Earth is not where ultimate fulfillment is to be found. When I was preparing to do a semester in Brazil I wrestled with the fact that I was hoping to connect with people there but then leave after a few months. I had already come to terms with the fact that by living in Toronto I had to miss family and friends in BC, but going to Brazil would further extend the stretching of my heart, add yet another home that was not home. Well, I went, and it happened, and now there is a group of people in Brazil who I treasure - who blessed me so much just by who they are, who I was lucky to build relationships with and be loved by, and then the semester ended and I came home to Canada.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
Sometimes as a Christian there are amazing and wonderful spiritual truths that lose their power because I become desensitized to them - I hear them so much I forget what they mean or play it off in my mind or deflect them with an eye roll and they don't make it into my heart.
This weekend I went to a youth ministry conference with Matt, heard some great speakers and enjoyed a lot of good sessions on several topics BUT the theme that God kept bopping me on the head was - and this is cool to me because it wasn't the topic of any session or learning lab, it was just a phrase that someone tossed out in passing that absolutely lodged in my heart - "the joy of the Lord is your strength." It's weird because when I think back on it, I don't know if I have really been joyful in serving God for... months? Years, probably. I mean, I've been happy to do things, and I've had moments of joy and fulfillment, but I've also been driven by a lot of willpower and sense of obligation or loyalty or... something. But I haven't been fuelled by joy. And when things are tough (as they have been), the thing I pray for (if I pray) is strength and help from God.
So this weekend God asked me, "What if you prayed for joy instead?"
And my answer is, I think that might change everything.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
I'm still in the process of figuring out how to deal with the rubber of my faith meeting the road of my life right now. It is weird to be a lifelong Christian and feel so at a loss. It's good because all of the cliches that are failing me will hopefully be things I remember not to offer other people, but it is also disconcerting to face so many classic Christian truths with a blank stare and a HOW?
I couldn't sleep the other night (thank you acid reflux) and started reading through old journal entries. I was re-struck by John 14:4-6a, which I copied into my journal back in April. It says,
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
A letter:
To the baby growing inside me, who has a heartbeat but no legal rights,
Whose kicks I feel daily, but who won’t count as a person
until you squirm right out of my womb
(be gentle, okay?),
You count to me.
I love you already.
When I think about you, I suck in my stomach a little bit
Because I can’t wait to hold you,
And sandwiching you between my abs and my intestines will have to do for now.
I take a deep breath so my lungs can hold you too
And exhale, wonder if you’re dreaming,
Wonder if you can read my mind,
Wonder who you will be.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
I have been sort of in a blogging rut lately, thinking lots but not wanting to blog it, or having ideas for posts and then never writing them because they are too simple or self-centered or who would want to read that?
The thing is – nobody is dragging you to read this here blog :P So if you’re here it’s because you want to be, and I can just take a rest from all the analysis and introspection (it’s easy to get lost in there!).
One thing that kept getting me stuck was how much pregnancy to blog about – I’m going to let that one go starting now. First of all, I loooove reading pregnant people’s blogs! Obviously not everything is about pregnancy all the time, but growing a baby is a big life-changing, self-changing, relationships-changing, perspective-changing… basically it’s a nuke. So instead of denying to myself that the fallout is reaching all kinds of areas of my life and mind, I am going to stop censoring myself from posting what I’m thinking about because it’s too much about me and/or my baby. It’s my blog! Welcome to the Alyssa show. Here we think a little too much, laugh a little too hard and always include the second o in too.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
This summer at my parents' house I learned about personality typing through the Enneagram, and my mind was blown. The day after Matt arrived to join me on vacation, I sat him down at the kitchen table and made him do all the tests to find out what number he was. He was pretty skeptical until he got to the test for his type, and then his mind was blown too. We and my parents all spent hours talking about our types, how we think, what makes us upset, how all those different factors collide when we are doing life together.
Read more: When the Advice we Don't Want is the Advice we Need
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
Matt and I watched a movie called Brooklyn's Finest this weekend, and I was really impacted by one short scene that I've now been thinking about for days. The movie tells the stories of 3 Brooklyn cops and the circumstances that lead to them all crossing paths at a spectacularly violent crime scene, and early in the film one of the cops goes to confession. He is a practicing Catholic, but it is clear through the movie that he is really struggling with his faith. He wants to believe, but he is incredibly discouraged and frustrated, and it seems that every solution he tries ends in failure. In the confessional he tells his priest that he has done something bad, but it was to a really bad person. When the priest invites him to pray for forgiveness, this cop snarls, "I don't want God's forgiveness, I want his help!"
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
I came across this bit in a post from Momastery today - it happens to contain both swear words in the whole long (great) post, so sorry if that troubles you. Me, I like bad words when they say what you mean, and very often sucky just isn't what I mean. But I digress, here is the thought I wanted to share and keep handy for bad days:
When anything’s about to hit the fan, I’m always pretty sure it’s gonna be you know what. I never really believe we can pray bad things away. I don’t have that kind of faith. Bad things happen. God doesn’t protect us from them.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
I have noticed a great big difference in how I experience weddings since being married myself. They are wonderful reminders of the excitement and hope, even idealism, that marked the beginning of my life together with Matt. Weddings can be daunting as well as inspiring - listening to the vows couples make and hearing the speeches of loved ones who support and believe in them is a reminder of the weighty commitment that marriage is.
Marriage is a big deal because it is about so much more than love. I was reminded of this earlier today reading a blog for singles that reliably entertains and challenges me. It has done a great deal of good for me as a married lady because this often-repeated advice by the author, Seraphic, applies to all women who want to remain sane, not just the singles: stay rooted in reality. But I digress.