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- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
We enjoyed a very relaxed Sunday in Moyogalpa, where nearly everything was closed, traffic was minimal, and we hadn't planned any tourist activities anyway. We had breakfast at a cafe up the road in a hostel run by a Dutch woman and a chain-smoking rack-of-bones American man with bottles of cough medicine and a big box of kleenex at his table. Torre was busy moving chairs around, climbing and running around while we enjoyed our breakfast and chatted with the owners.
"What brought you to Nicaragua?" I asked.
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
A friend on facebook shared this link on her wall showing pairs of moms who seem to be friends in real life, each holding signs that declare their opposing choices in raising their kids. It's a great visual representation of the decisions moms (and dads in many cases) make for their families that easily become battlegrounds online but really don't need to pit us against each other. It's a pretty feel-good page to scan through and see women beaming about their choices, and I agree that moms shouldn't be tearing each other down over these things - 99% of moms honestly want to do what is best for their kids, and that is why mommy wars get so intense so often - these are issues that cut to the core of our values and represent our very best efforts, so for someone to question them feels like a personal attack and we want to respond in kind.
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
I've been wanting to pull a post together on baby etiquette - that is, how non-babies should interact with babies. The thing is, it mostly ends up being my pet peeves and weird stories that have happened over the past year, and how am I to know where to draw the line between what freaks my baby out and what I just project onto him because I think you're way too excited to see him.
Babies are different too, as are parents, so if I made up the top ten rules for how to meet my baby, it might not be quite right for the adorable kiddo you see in the grocery store. So instead, I have condensed all my almost-a-year of experience to one piece of advice to keep in mind when you are meeting a baby:
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
I gave my notice this week to make it official: I'll be returning to work part-time when my maternity leave is up.
We also had friends over for dinner this week who are expecting a baby in December, and it was amazing to ponder how quickly Torre has grown and developed. He only recently crossed the threshold of being alive outside of me longer than he grew inside me. Now he makes faces and claps his hands and walks along furniture and crams his mouth full with too many cheerios to chew all at once.
I can finally recognize his tired cry before I lose my mind wondering what the heck is wrong with him.
And as I contemplate motherhood pretty much constantly, and reflect on how quickly this year is passing and how quickly I know the coming years will pass, and my heart gets all giddy and achy thinking about milestones, I came across this article: Ten True Things About the First Year of Parenthood, and the very first thing is, "You are going to suck at this parenting gig and be awesome at it at the same time, all the time."
Oh my, yes.
I don't think I have ever experienced so many highs and lows in such short proximity to each other.
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
Over the last week I really enjoyed two separate blog posts that relate to raising boys who don't fit 100% in the box of what our culture expects from boys. Although really, does anyone fit 100% in any cultural box? I wanted to share them both because I have enjoyed the food for thought and have the luxury of being not in the phase of parenting where Torre's choices make me uncomfortable. Well, his choices to pull my hair and kick my guts and affectionately gnaw on my shoulder make me uncomfortable, but in a different way. He wears what I dress him in, and today I opted not to buy the pink diaper cover - I am happy to put blue on any future daughters I have, but I just don't feel like putting pink on my son. If, down the road, he wants to wear sparkles or butterflies or have a princess-themed birthday party (my friend's four-year-old son's request), we will have that conversation and I'm not 100% sure how it will go. I am totally okay with him wearing pink, I just don't want to buy it now when he doesn't even care (why do I care, when he doesn't?).
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
Matt took a course on family ministry this semester, so we now have a 650 page textbook on the topic. I have been out of school for long enough now that I can read through academic material without my brain and soul shutting down, and as I was flipping through Matt's textbook (Family Ministry: A Comprehensive Guide by Diana R. Garland), I came across this excerpt which was, shall we say, very timely :)
Despite what the commercials and movies tell us, love is not a feeling. It is a way we decide to act. We cannot force ourselves to feel love - we can't force ourselves to feel anything. A baby crying for the third time since parents went to bed may not invoke feelings of love, but parents do not wait to act until they feel like doing the loving thing. Instead, they choose to act in love. In such ways, children "discipline," or influence, the behavior of parents.
Maybe one of the reasons people think it is wise to wait a while after getting married to have children is not just so you can travel unhindered but because it gives you practice at acting loving when you don't feel like it. Just as it can be a rude awakening the first time you don't feel lovey towards your spouse, it can be scary to not feel lovey towards a tiny infant who depends on you for everything. I have a really easygoing baby, an extraordinarily supportive spouse, and a great network of people who sincerely care about me, but there have definitely been times when Torre has needed more from me than I had to give. I expected motherhood to stretch me, and it has, but it has been different than what I expected - both harder and easier than I thought it would be.
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
My baby is one month old today! This must be the fastest a month has ever passed in my life, and I know it's only a taste of what's to come.
I am mind-blown,
since he came into the world,
this son in my arms,
who grew in my belly.
How can it be
that every person on the planet came from a seed
planted in a womb,
nourished by blood, and
ripened in water?
Delivered alien,
helpless.
How can it be that my flesh,
born from flesh,
has borne flesh?
Conception created the
inception of a human being:
belly within a belly,
my eyes in his face,
my heart in his hands,
captured with his first wavering cry
as his slippery skin turned pink
and his ten toes wiggled.
And now he sighs,
asleep on my lap,
too perfect to stay this small,
I know he will grow as fast as my wonder.
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Parenthood
I have loved settling in to the reality of being a mother. Torre has been such an easy baby so far, my sleep has been interrupted, but I haven't been exhausted, and the joy of being able to meet his needs more than makes up for the inconvenience of waking up to nurse in the night.
It has also been pleasant to discover that nothing about my baby is gross! Changing diapers, being spit up on, feeling the spreading warmth of pee leaking out of a diaper and soaking through my jeans... all of these things are still glowy and sweet, hardly even an inconvenience. As we start to come to terms with our new normal, I'm enjoying short to-do lists that sometimes get sidelined in favour of watching Torre sleep. And that's okay.
My Dad was showing me some videos earlier this afternoon, and I realized one way that motherhood has changed me. This is the one that did me in - a dad sends his son's favourite toy train on a trip to space.
12 days ago, this sweet video would not have made me cry. But today, there was a little blonde baby sleeping on my lap, and I am overwhelmed with love for him and who he'll grow up to be. Even when he has only grown up into a four or five year old who loves a toy train. Sob.