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- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
One of my favourite verses in Scripture these days comes from Colossians 1 in the Message:
"The lines of purpose in your lives never grow slack, tightly tied as they are to your future in Heaven, kept taut by hope."
This single sentence has captured me since I first read it a few weeks ago, and I've been coming back to it over and over again, daring to dream that these words might one day be true of me!
I so often catch myself overwhelmed and drifting, or frantic and kept taut by stress, but this verse has been a touchstone for me to find a middle place. I've been trying to listen for the hope that whispers purpose into the mundane or the simple. Instead of resigning myself to life as a tangled heap of marionette limbs being pulled in all directions, I've been reflecting on what my lines of purpose are really tied to.
The truth is that a lot of what I do revolves around meeting expectations from others and myself - nothing to do with my future in Heaven, and they certainly don't move me toward hope!
- Details
- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
Psalm 39:7 - And now, O LORD, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.
I love looking forward - to the weekend, to plans with a friend, to payday, to Summer weather :) I try to stay in the moment, but if I'm honest I'm often planning ahead and thinking about what comes next.
In Psalm 39, David is reflecting on how quickly life passes - verse 6 says We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing - but his response is not despair, it is turning to God in that moment.
As I look forward in time, I imagine that walking with God will get easier, that barriers will pass away - I'd love to work part time and be free to volunteer more. As Torre gets older and more independent, I'm able to go to conferences again to be encouraged and challenged. If we lived closer to family and friends I love the idea of sharing life and meals more often, having playdates and praying together. It's easy to get caught up in imagining how different circumstances could make life just wonderful, but then what do we have to show for it?
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
This morning I had the rare opportunity to relax at home before heading to church. It's strange to think how rare it is, but reality is that Sunday mornings are usually rushed as we head to church. I can't tell you how many times we've brewed coffee only to forget it on the counter, how often we skip breakfast or just buy something from Tim's because we'd rather trade extra sleep for a relaxed morning at home.
Today was different because I went to bed early AND didn't need to be at church until 10 am, so I had a whole window of time in which everyone was awake, fed and dressed, but it simply wasn't time to go. I sat on my couch and savoured my coffee and listened to worship music and... rested.
Forgive me for being so stunned at the peaceful gift it was to simply relax and enjoy a morning off on the Sabbath.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Prayer
It is Ash Wednesday, and my bones are aching with a flu.
One resource I was reading says, Ash Wednesday emphasizes a dual encounter: we confront our own mortality and confess our sin before God within the community of faith. The form and content of the service focus on the dual themes of sin and death in the light of God's redeeming love in Jesus Christ.
It may be melodramatic, but it's also very satisfying to be sick on this day for contemplation and reflection on mortality.
My reading for the day was Luke 18:9-14
[Jesus] told his next story to some who were complacently pleased with themselves over their moral performance and looked down their noses at the common people: “Two men went up to the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, the other a tax man. The Pharisee posed and prayed like this: ‘Oh, God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, crooks, adulterers, or, heaven forbid, like this tax man. I fast twice a week and tithe on all my income.’ “Meanwhile the tax man, slumped in the shadows, his face in his hands, not daring to look up, said, ‘God, give mercy. Forgive me, a sinner.’” Jesus commented, “This tax man, not the other, went home made right with God. If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face, but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.”
I must confess that there have been times I have come into God's presence to congratulate myself for being righteous.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Life
Lent is coming up, and I'm looking forward to a 40 day break from Facebook because ten free minutes keep turning into an hour of scrolling that I wish I had spent somewhere else :)
Even more so than that, though, I'm looking forward to Lent because I'm looking for an excuse to focus my energies on connecting with God and with others, of taking time to pray and read and listen to my heart because it is all too easy to get caught up in the rush of life.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: psalm 40
Remember 5 1/2 years ago when I was memorizing Psalm 40? Me neither... I knew it was ages ago but didn't think it was SO long ago. Like pre-parenthood long ago. And the years keep flying by. I was reading Psalm 40 this morning during quiet time with God, and verse 11 echoed in my heart:
As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me.
I certainly don't have this psalm memorized anymore, although it does give me a sense of familiarity when I read it. I remember the first time this verse struck me, the generosity of the language, the idea that God's mercy can be restrained or poured out as he chooses, and the wonder of having this type of relationship where you know that God will not hold his mercy back.
I've been walking through a season of unrestrained mercy in a kind of brutal way these last few months. 2016 came to an end with heartbreak and tumult, and I felt like I had to re-learn every big lesson I've ever learned with God. But here at the start of a new year when I have made no resolutions, the simple things like spending quiet time with God feel like a life raft I keep forgetting about. Like, why am I treading water in the cold ocean of life?
Today I am grateful to know a God who invites me to sit at his feet and rest in his presence.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
I was listening to a sermon online last week, and the pastor mentioned the Read Scripture app that his congregation was using together in order to get alone with God and be changed through prayer and reading the Bible. I was interested and downloaded the app to my phone, and guys! What a great resource this is!
My favourite part is the videos that have been created to introduce or explain themes from different books of the Bible and for overarching themes through Scripture as well. Tonight I watched this video about Covenants:
I've only watched a handful of the videos that are available, but each has been very excellent, and I'm excited to explore and discover more over the coming weeks. What struck me most from this video was right at the start when the narrator describes God's plan for humanity to be his partners in creating the world that he wants. It struck me because my relationship spectrum for God ranges mostly between "servant" and "beloved child," and it's a timely reminder for me that "partner" belongs in there too.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Life
It has been 28 years since I emerged into the world. What a crazy thing! Thanks for pushing me out, Mom, I don't take it for granted.
I have been thinking of other milestones that this year means for me:
- 7 years since I've been married
- 4 years since I've been pregnant (Matt and I went camping on the September long weekend while Torre was cooking away)
- 10 years since I met Matt
- 14 years since I had cancer
- almost 1 year since I trained as a doula (and discovered my dream job)
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Thoughts
I'm standing on my GO train this morning. Sometimes I get a seat, but not today. I'm on the upper level of a double decker train car - the "quiet zone" where nobody talks on their phone or to each other. We just read or doze or text or blog, and I'm watching rows and rows of people do their thing, and I'm thinking about how much God loves us.
It always boggles my mind when I see Torre in a group of kids, when I arrive for daycare pick up and the classroom is busy with children playing, or when I lose sight of him at a playground and then catch the flash of his bright orange shirt, because at the moment when I see him in the crowd my heart cracks open a little bit with love. I could (and I have) watch that boy sleep and not be bored, just soak in every cell of him alive and mine and at peace. What boggles my mind when I feel the heart-crack of mother love is that in the sea of children where I see my son, every child has a mother whose heart will do the same thing (or should) at the sight of them.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Scripture
We just had communion Sunday at our church, and after church were on a family drive when Torre piped up in the back, "Daddy, you know that Jesus died for us?"
Matt told him yes, he knew that, and I turned around to ask Torre if he knew why Jesus died for us. Torre nodded solemnly. "Because we eat the bread."
It was a classic adorable kid moment, and I've been turning it over in my mind. I'm not in a panic because Torre doesn't understand what death means yet, so he won't comprehend the miracle of the resurrection, and he doesn't need to grasp the burden of sin before he is able to also grasp its solution. But it reminded me how much I don't want my kid to get messed up spiritually by growing up in church (nobody wants that, right?). I realize it's an ongoing process and not something I can just teach once or put some safeguards and pat myself on the back, but parenting is one of the most challenging forms of discipleship I've experienced, and it forces me to evaluate my own perspective all the time. How can I teach my three year old truth that can grow up with him, not baby him or stifle him?