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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
For many months, I have been praying that this person will leave my life. At the beginning of the month I prayed that this person would be gone by the end of the month, and it intrigued me, because I wondered why God would lead me to pray with a specific time frame for no reason that I could see.
And then last week this person barged into a special event, and I was SO MAD. And I was dreading getting stuck next to them and having to overhear their lame small talk or even worse make lame small talk, and I thought if that happened I would probably just puke in their lap. So I let God know I'd do my best not to be a huge jerk but that He should also note my fragile state and give me some outs.
And then God nudged me: "What if you reached out and tried to love this guy instead of just avoiding him?"
To which I replied, "Um, Lord, I can't. I am already using up everything I have to not hate him. Thought you knew that."
And God interrupted my sarcasm to say, "Isn't the easiest way not to hate someone to love them?"
Which had me stumped.
Fortunately I found an empty seat at the table that was not only across from Matt but also far enough down from he-who-shall-not-be-named that I could mostly pretend he wasn't there.
Because the moral of this story is not that I loved my enemy and it turned out okay. I can't make myself love this person any more than I can gain 20 pounds.
The moral of the story is that God hinted to me that his plan might not be to get this person out of my life but to change my heart.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
This year at Change, I believe God added an instruction to this gift of prayer, which I am sharing to hopefully create some accountability, that it won't be something God says to me and I write in my journal and forget about until next October. If I am to pray for others as I believe God calls me to, then I have to make a better effort to connect with people, to learn what they need. I cannot be content in having a quick answer if anyone ever asks me about my spiritual gifts, and I cannot coast along with general prayers for well-being and help when God has called me to deepen relationships, to be more vulnerable, and to risk learning and prayerfully saying the specific needs of others.
It is not that prayer is easy and relationships are hard, because both of these pursuits have been gifts that come easily at times and elude me at others. Ideally, I think they should be inter-woven, each one deepening the other.
But just as talking the talk is no advantage if it does not translate into action in real life, being able to draw a diagram of how prayer deepens friendships that in turn lead to deeper, stronger prayer, gives no benefit unless it is put into practice.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
Because very often times, the great advice I give doesn't even move me one inch off my butt. The things I know in my head are so compelling in my mind, but there is some kind of feel-good force field that stands between my inspiring articulations and my life.
Last weekend was a great example of that - I shared with one of our youth about growing up with a Dad who always asked, "have you read your Bible yet today?" when I was just about to level-up some pokemon and definitely had not read anything because it was Saturday/Summer Vacation/I was sick. I said that I appreciated this nagging so much in hindsight because it kept reminding me (even if it was only subconsciously to my annoyance) that God loved me and was waiting for me to spend time with him so he could grow our relationship.
But the fact of the matter is that I still struggle to be motivated to read my Bible, that I weigh the odds of getting anything out of it before I even look at a page. I can give a great speech about spending time with God, but it's not always authentic, even if it is always true.
So yet again, God is busting me for being a hypocrite, and I am grateful (if uncomfortable).
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
I outlined a short, three-part series of blog posts last week to sum up some ways that God has been challenging me lately, but then last week got full with other stories. I'm scheduling the posts now, so they will all be up in the next few days - Enjoy!
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
Today I was eavesdropping on the subway again. It all started out with a very surreal experience, where the couple to my left, and the couple sitting across from me were both paired teams preparing to do canvassing to raise money for WWF. So when I first sat down, I just thought they were talking, but then I realized their conversation was scripted, and then I realized both conversations I could hear were scripted, and THEN at the end of the conversation to my left, they immediately switched roles without any discussion and repeated the conversation from opposite sides, and it was all very trippy.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
Today I had the crazy opportunity to push a stranger across the street. I was crossing the road toward our apartment when I saw a large black woman with her foot swollen and wrapped, struggling to move the wheelchair she sat in. The rubber had come off both front wheels, and the hard plastic rims had no grip on the pavement, so she was pushing and pushing her wheels but making hardly any progress.
The crosswalk was already counting down, so I didn't have time to feel awkward, and I asked if she needed a push.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
Yesterday coming home from work, I overheard a great conversation between two friends. One girl sounded a lot like Jackie from That 70s Show, and her friend kind of looked like Jackie from That 70s Show in the reflection on the subway window (this is a decent way to spy on people if looking directly is too awkward).
The girl who looked like Jackie was planning to take a year off school to save money for her Master's degree. She was also planning to move out of her parents' house and split rent with her boyfriend in an apartment in the city.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
I feel like I have a bunch of conversations with God that are in progress, and I am very interested to see how they carry on/come together over this weekend and moving forward.
Please pray that it's a great weekend for all of us who are going and for God to work in ways that go well beyond the two days we'll be spending together :)
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
I was struck by a quote by Beth of Red and Honey, about meeting God in daily tasks. I was really struck by the connection author Kathleen Norris draws between cleaning and liturgy:
... like liturgy, the work of cleaning draws much of its meaning and value from repetition, from the fact that it is never completed, but only set aside until the next day. Both liturgy and what is euphemistically termed “domestic” work also have an intense relation with the present moment, a kind of faith in the present that fosters hope and makes life seem possible in the day-to-day.
What Beth put in bold is exactly what drives me nuts about cleaning, why it is so discouraging to stare down a kitchen full of dirty dishes, because I know cleaning them will just make it faster to dirty them again. Some days are much better than others, but on my worst days, everything feels futile - making the bed, sweeping the floor, picking up clothes, clearing off the dining room table.
But I love liturgy. I love that it waits to be repeated each (day/week/year), and although it is not part of my spiritual life right now, it soothes me when we meet. Liturgy does not represent feel-good spirituality to me, but it is sturdy and meaningful.
Could I ever find the same comfort in cleaning?
It's ridiculous to hope so, but that quotation above has given me a ridiculous glimmer of hope that just maybe I might.
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- Written by: Alyssa
- Category: Uncategorized
I am reading The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and it has the most beautiful words I've read in such a long time! It is a work of fiction told from the perspective of Death, so it is very unique in that sense, but the power of the words just blows me away sometimes.
This is a Jew in Nazi Germany, waiting for a friend to find out about a potential safe house: He had eaten only the foul taste of his own hungry breath for what felt like weeks, and still, nothing.
And the account of his father's death in WWI years earlier: Erik Vandenburg would later be found in several pieces on a grassy hill. His eyes were open and his wedding ring was stolen. I shoveled up his soul with the rest of them and we drifted away. The horizon was the color of milk. Cold and fresh. Poured out among the bodies.
The whole book isn't quite so dark and heavy, but it is all very moving, and I feel like every chance I get to read from it is a chance to sink into words.