Moving With God

Baby steps of faith, hope and love

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1000 Days

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

I wrote this post Friday but couldn't post it due to server problems, and then I was busy all weekend. So technically, I should change the title to 1003 days! Anyways, here it is :)

I'm wearing my wedding shoes today.

When I bought them three Summers ago, my criteria were that they be white, not too tall, and comfortable enough to last the day without needing to hobble around. Success! I also thought, when I bought this pair, that they'd be cute with jeans or a skirt (or a jean skirt, as I'm wearing today...), and that it would be great to own white kitten heels.

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Mother's Day 2012

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life
I was really impressed with how my church handled Mother's Day this year - it's easy for the women in a congregation to be divided into mothers and non-mothers, but this can be really hurtful to women who may be struggling with infertility or who have lost pregnancies, those who deeply desire to be mothers but aren't yet, and those who are mothers unbeknownst to others and therefore go uncelebrated. It can also be awkward as a woman of child-bearing age if the ushers aren't sure whether they should offer you a flower (or whatever the token is) or not. And if there is pain under the surface, this confusion can bring it right out in the open.
The flip side of this recognition of mothers only, is the celebrate-all-women approach, which focuses on the mothering influence that many women have and the fact that emotional and spiritual nurturing are just as valuable as breastfeeding and diaper changing and homework nagging (I mean helping...), which is true! No woman is left out or left behind, which is nice, but I always feel a bit awkward being included in whatever gesture is made because being a mom is a big deal, and I haven't done anything to be celebrated as one.
Today I experienced a beautiful middle ground: flowers for all the women, to celebrate the mothers, the priest explained, "and if you aren't a mother, you had a mother, so take a flower in her honour."

I realize that if Mother's Day is a difficult holiday, there is no perfect phrase or gift or gesture that will make the pain go away, but I was touched by the simplicity and sincerity of this approach. I don't feel weird about having taken a flower even though I am not a mother, and as this day passes with my own mom thousands of miles away, I can enjoy this sweet reminder of the beauty and love she has allowed me to take for granted in this life.

I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day :)

Car

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

I didn't think anything much of the email from Matt that popped up on my screen at work today: the subject was Car, and I hoped that ours was still running. I was fairly sure I hadn't brought the keys to work (again).

It turns out our car was broken into last night. We lost CDs, some fishing gear, a GPS, and our blue disco party cigarette lighter. Also, our hood was smashed (maybe in frustration that our crappy-looking car was actually as dumb of a car to rob as it looked?). Overall, it could have been worse though - there have been times we left things in the car over night that we shouldn't have, given our building's iffy reputation.

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May Goals

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life
I've been thinking more and more lately that I should make some goals. It wouldn't be the first time I've dabbled in it, but I never have done much more than dabble for any length of time (I was looking for a post to link to and then realized I never published it. It was half-written and kind of about goals. That pretty much sums up everything I need to say about that). The thing is, Matt's pay cut is kicking in this month, and our rent is going up this summer, and while I'm hoping to get some extra hours here and there at work to help cover people taking vacation time, that won't start for a few weeks and in the meantime my current homemaking routine only works because there are giant buffers of time for me to waste. Plus Matt and I have so many pairs of socks, I don't have to do laundry as often as I should. Plus, Esther and Josh are coming next week! I don't want to spend the summer naggy or cranky or in crisis because I still spend more time reading blogs than meal planning.So I'm making some goals for May - weeks go by too fast, and I am too easily overwhelmed by failure for me to start with weekly goals - and hopefully they will be helpful to this month being pleasantly productive :)

They are: 

  • {Spiritual} Be more consistent praying with Common Prayer. My specific, measurable goal is to do this daily.
  • {Physical} Do something active for at least 20 minutes 3 times a week.
  • {Nutritional} Make a meal plan, including notes for required prep.
  • {Financial} Keep budget up to date, even past the point where I'm sure we'll break even.
  • {Housekeeping} Don't run out of socks! lol, but seriously... Housekeeping is the area where I am most likely to over-plan, and it stresses me out, which makes me miserable over stuff that I don't care about other than feeling like a bad wife. Then Matt is stuck with a cranky wife over stuff he doesn't care about either! So for now, I am going to skip housekeeping goals other than keeping our apartment livable.
  • {Other} Finish crocheting a baby blanket I started over a year ago. I was thinking I could give it to a friend who was pregnant, but her baby is now 7 months old and has all the blankets he needs! Whatever I end up doing with it, I want to get it done.

Speaking of Matt's happiness related to my housekeeping, I had a revelation the other day. I spend the afternoon doing whatever I want at home, which is usually not too much, and then after dinner I realize our house is a mess and want US to get busy cleaning it up! But that means Matt usually comes home to a list of chores that has been in the back of my mind all day while I didn't do them, plus dinner dishes.

So an additional, somewhat unofficial goal is to use my time after work to get stuff done (especially by focusing on my goals!) and save relaxing for the evenings. Hopefully less time will get wasted overall with this strategy, and most importantly it will hopefully mean even happier time together :)

Busy in a Good Way

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

I was wondering how this past week flew by without managing a post, because often that means I've been swamped with life or I've been overwhelmed in my mind or spirit and have nothing left to write about anything. I am happy to recognize that this past week has been very full, but not overwhelming.

Monday Matt and I spent the day skiing (me) and snowboarding (him) at Snow Valley, then had dinner with my Dad's side of the family. It was a beautiful day - I even got a bit of a sunburn on my face - and a really fun way to spend a day off together.

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Happy

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

During the sermon this week, while the pastor was making a very good point about why praying in Jesus' name involves submitting to God's will, he made an unfortunate side-comment about marriage. It went something like, "so many people in their marriage want to be happy, but sometimes God is not concerned about our happiness, he is concerned about our holiness." It sounded very pious, but it also gave me the creeps.

Part of that is due to this post and my fragility right now regarding spiritual manipulation and how a joyless God is very often the starting point of abusive theology. Part of it is also due to the fact that the first few months of our marriage were pretty unhappy for both Matt and I (I really need to write that post about the Pill), and I am REALLY GLAD to be happy in our marriage these days. And I believe God is happy for us to be happy.

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Five Years

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

Sometimes it seems like the more exciting life is, the less exciting this blog is, lol. And really, I did so much posting in October, it is only fair that I dropped off the face of the internet for a week.

However, I had to reappear to mark the fifth anniversary of the day Matt asked me to be his girlfriend. Aww!!!Here we are way-back-when, celebrating a year of dating, when Matt surprised me with tickets to see Dirty Dancing ON STAGE!!!!!

In the last five years we have had many great dates, taken trips together and trips apart, cooked, cleaned, kissed, got married, moved, got a dog, and have learned and grown so much.

Today has been a fun day to remember and celebrate our great relationship and all the promise and hope it still holds five years after it's humble official beginning :)

Turning Down Free Stuff

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

I had the most hilarious time listening to Matt turn down an offer for six free months of TV. The thing is, when we had TV I lost hours of my life every day. Normally now if I am bored, I read some blogs or look up recipes or otherwise kill time on the internet. Sometimes I read a book or journal or play music or email someone or call someone or otherwise participate in life in the real world.

When we had TV this was not the case. When I was bored I'd turn on the TV, four hours later I'd be too hungry to function, and all I would have seen was some fat people get skinny and some woman find her wedding dress.

So Matt tried to convince this poor woman that we were not interested in free TV, and that she shouldn't call back tomorrow, "not if it's about free TV."*

I'm happy, but I do hope this woman didn't lose her job since she couldn't even give away free TV.

*After talking about it after the call, we decided if she DOES call back we should get free TV so Matt can watch football, and I will just exercise self-control :)

Weevils!

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

I thought this was something that only happened to people who spent weeks at sea!! All those dark spots are in fact living bugs. So we will need some new wheat before we can make any bread, that's for sure.

On the bright side, they're contained, so we don't have to worry about weevil-cockroaches running around. And actually, the cockroaches have been few and far-between lately. Which is great :)

Coping

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Written by: Alyssa
Category: Life

I have been having a hard time with church lately. There are tons of factors, but it has boiled down to a lot of bitterness that I'm not quite sure how to handle. Part of my frustrations are justified, but I know that I also overreact to a lot of things, so I basically repress everything at church, talk about it with Matt to try to sort out what if anything I should hold on to, and over all it's a great big struggle.

Being emotionally and spiritually drained by church has meant focusing more on personal time with God, not as a substitute but as kind of an anchor for my faith in the midst of confusion and anger and hurt. Something I started this week which I LOVE is downloading sermons to my mp3 and listening to them at work while I process cheques. It's great because I'm pretty ADD, so having something to do other than just sit and listen actually helps me stay more engaged and pay attention to what is being said. And for most of my morning, I'm just sitting and processing, so listening to mp3s doesn't disrupt my work either. After the sermon ends, my music starts again and I have stuff to think about :)

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