Moving With God

Baby steps of faith, hope and love

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Details: Written by: Alyssa; Category: goals; Published: 01 June 2012

It's a new month! The weather today is outrageous, and Union Station flooded, which lengthened my commute home to an hour and a half. I got to spend some quality time with a co-worker though, and terrible weather outside emphasizes the coziness of our little home - something that can be easy to forget in sticky summer weather! :)

Here are my goals for the month:

{Spiritual} Pray daily. Use the prayer closet if the living room is too distracting! (This may or may not have been my downfall in May)
{Physical} Exercise 3 times a week.

This video has confirmed the end of me ever doing traditional sit-ups/crunches

Read more: 1000 Days

Details: Written by: Alyssa; Category: Three Things Thursday; Published: 24 May 2012

For my first post in this new location, what better "three things" topic than things that make my sister great!?

1. She did a bunch of internet/computer/behind the scenes magic to help me actually transition to this web address (which my Dad took care of for me ages ago, thanks Dad!) - this is the reason behind the mini-tribute.

2. I'm not scared to come home to her when I'm cranky. I had a miserable day yesterday, but she didn't get all awkward and tip-toey about my emotions, just gave me space and then came to the grocery store with me and listened while I talked it out :)

3. (In case you need words to explain the picture above) She's like the best sister ever! That's the best way I can sum up all the other reasons competing for the last spot - she is fun and funny and gets me and loves me, but she also stands up to my old-habits-die-hard big sister habits of trying to make her do stuff. I feel like we are growing the bestfriendship we couldn't quite manage when we were younger because there is a balance of power now, and my four extra years of size (lost) and experience aren't enough to bully her around (completely).

There you have it! Feel free to leave a tribute in the comments to someone you love :)

Details: Written by: Alyssa; Category: Life; Published: 13 May 2012

I was really impressed with how my church handled Mother's Day this year - it's easy for the women in a congregation to be divided into mothers and non-mothers, but this can be really hurtful to women who may be struggling with infertility or who have lost pregnancies, those who deeply desire to be mothers but aren't yet, and those who are mothers unbeknownst to others and therefore go uncelebrated. It can also be awkward as a woman of child-bearing age if the ushers aren't sure whether they should offer you a flower (or whatever the token is) or not. And if there is pain under the surface, this confusion can bring it right out in the open.

The flip side of this recognition of mothers only, is the celebrate-all-women approach, which focuses on the mothering influence that many women have and the fact that emotional and spiritual nurturing are just as valuable as breastfeeding and diaper changing and homework nagging (I mean helping...), which is true! No woman is left out or left behind, which is nice, but I always feel a bit awkward being included in whatever gesture is made because being a mom is a big deal, and I haven't done anything to be celebrated as one.

Today I experienced a beautiful middle ground: flowers for all the women, to celebrate the mothers, the priest explained, "and if you aren't a mother, you had a mother, so take a flower in her honour."

I realize that if Mother's Day is a difficult holiday, there is no perfect phrase or gift or gesture that will make the pain go away, but I was touched by the simplicity and sincerity of this approach. I don't feel weird about having taken a flower even though I am not a mother, and as this day passes with my own mom thousands of miles away, I can enjoy this sweet reminder of the beauty and love she has allowed me to take for granted in this life.

I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day :)

Details: Written by: Alyssa; Category: Life; Published: 11 May 2012

I didn't think anything much of the email from Matt that popped up on my screen at work today: the subject was Car, and I hoped that ours was still running. I was fairly sure I hadn't brought the keys to work (again).

It turns out our car was broken into last night. We lost CDs, some fishing gear, a GPS, and our blue disco party cigarette lighter. Also, our hood was smashed (maybe in frustration that our crappy-looking car was actually as dumb of a car to rob as it looked?). Overall, it could have been worse though - there have been times we left things in the car over night that we shouldn't have, given our building's iffy reputation.

Read more: Car

Details: Written by: Alyssa; Category: Thoughts; Published: 08 May 2012

I don’t know how I learned to fear God – not the reverent fear, but the always-unsettled fear, the everything-good-could-be-taken-away-in-a-second fear, that “God can use all things for good” was a threat, not a promise – but somewhere along the way, I did. And then somewhere along the way, I had to unlearn that fear and put trust in its place, and God is still helping me to do that daily, monthly, on and on. Because he CAN use all things for good, this I now believe. But that doesn’t mean he does bad things just to show off all the good he can bring from them. Which is what I used to be afraid was true.

I think the seeds of distrust were planted very innocently when I was a little girl who grew up in church, hearing testimony from missionaries and people who had been converted to Christianity from crazy situations. A lot of those stories involved God using bad things for good, and somehow it occurred to me that God might do something horrible to me so that I would have an awesome testimony. By horrible, I mean wipe out my family in a car crash so that I could learn (and testify!) that all I need is God. Shudder.

I also remember some well-meant teasing along the lines of “never say never to God, because sometimes that’s just what he gives you!” Because I hate hate hate bugs, and wouldn’t it be hilarious if God sent me to Africa as a missionary? Incidentally, I did a semester in Brazil, where I was properly horrified by cockroaches and thereby desensitized enough to live in our current apartment when it was infested with Canadian cockroaches. Also, back in the day, my Mom thought she’d never marry my Dad, and then she did, and here I am! So that backfired “never” worked out pretty well for me. But again, this seed was planted in my mind that God would give me what I didn’t want, that he was a prankster in the sky who I had to trust or else he’d make things even worse.

Ironically, I think the experience that has given me sturdiest reasons to trust God sounds exactly like the testimonies that terrorized my imagination for so many years: I got cancer. I was getting out of the shower one day when I was 14 and noticed a lump in my neck, and by the time a year passed, I’d had three surgeries and radiation treatment, and it was all over. The whole thing is so surreal in my memory, but I know that God brought me and my family through it. Any time I got scared, I knew I could cry to God about it; every time I got put out so more pieces of me could be cut out, I knew that if I didn’t wake up on Earth, at least I’d wake up in Heaven. Honestly, the whole thing was a lot harder on my family than it was on me, and the label of “survivor” probably belongs more appropriately on my parents for watching me go through it than on me for simply not dying.

If getting cancer had any negative effect on my faith, it came a year or so after my clean bill of health, when I decided I was tired of needing to be grateful just to be alive. I decided I’d rather try to be a cool kid than a good Christian, which failed pretty badly, and that story is my real testimony of why I put my faith in Jesus.

Since then, God has given me so many outrageous reasons to trust him! And still I struggle. Each new step of faith is just that: a new step. Sometimes it helps to have the experience, to draw on that for courage and hope, but very often it is just as stomach-dropping as the first time I let Jesus be the boss.

Details: Written by: Alyssa; Category: Life; Published: 04 May 2012

I've been thinking more and more lately that I should make some goals. It wouldn't be the first time I've dabbled in it, but I never have done much more than dabble for any length of time (I was looking for a post to link to and then realized I never published it. It was half-written and kind of about goals. That pretty much sums up everything I need to say about that). The thing is, Matt's pay cut is kicking in this month, and our rent is going up this summer, and while I'm hoping to get some extra hours here and there at work to help cover people taking vacation time, that won't start for a few weeks and in the meantime my current homemaking routine only works because there are giant buffers of time for me to waste. Plus Matt and I have so many pairs of socks, I don't have to do laundry as often as I should. Plus, Esther and Josh are coming next week! I don't want to spend the summer naggy or cranky or in crisis because I still spend more time reading blogs than meal planning.So I'm making some goals for May - weeks go by too fast, and I am too easily overwhelmed by failure for me to start with weekly goals - and hopefully they will be helpful to this month being pleasantly productive :)

They are:

{Spiritual} Be more consistent praying with Common Prayer. My specific, measurable goal is to do this daily.
{Physical} Do something active for at least 20 minutes 3 times a week.
{Nutritional} Make a meal plan, including notes for required prep.
{Financial} Keep budget up to date, even past the point where I'm sure we'll break even.
{Housekeeping} Don't run out of socks! lol, but seriously... Housekeeping is the area where I am most likely to over-plan, and it stresses me out, which makes me miserable over stuff that I don't care about other than feeling like a bad wife. Then Matt is stuck with a cranky wife over stuff he doesn't care about either! So for now, I am going to skip housekeeping goals other than keeping our apartment livable.
{Other} Finish crocheting a baby blanket I started over a year ago. I was thinking I could give it to a friend who was pregnant, but her baby is now 7 months old and has all the blankets he needs! Whatever I end up doing with it, I want to get it done.

Speaking of Matt's happiness related to my housekeeping, I had a revelation the other day. I spend the afternoon doing whatever I want at home, which is usually not too much, and then after dinner I realize our house is a mess and want US to get busy cleaning it up! But that means Matt usually comes home to a list of chores that has been in the back of my mind all day while I didn't do them, plus dinner dishes.

So an additional, somewhat unofficial goal is to use my time after work to get stuff done (especially by focusing on my goals!) and save relaxing for the evenings. Hopefully less time will get wasted overall with this strategy, and most importantly it will hopefully mean even happier time together :)

Details: Written by: Alyssa; Category: Uncategorized; Published: 03 May 2012

It's hard to believe that it's May already! I think it snuck up me this year because for the first time in 5 years, April was not a frenzy of term papers and final exams. I've had space to breathe, and April just slipped away in a few gusty, rainy days. The grass is so impossibly green after the rain, and the air smells like dark, clean soil, and the days are getting warmer and longer, and I've loved watching Spring unfold for its own sake, not to wish a semester over and Summer on its way.

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